Wednesday, January 23, 2008

08-01-23 'Outed' as a Reform Jew

I was speaking to a nice woman at the JCC about our kids' college experiences. She told me this story. Her daughter and a friend, both high achieving high school students, found a site on Beliefnet, the spirituality website, called Beliefomatic. The site provides a questionnaire that ask about your basic religious beliefs. At the end of the test the site gives you a list of religions that best match up with the beliefs you indicated in the exam.

 
 

These two high schoolers, who were in their own religious quest, took the test and discovered that the religion that best matched up with their answers was Reform Judaism (both girls were not Jewish). They were surprised, but took the results very seriously. They got up the nerve and went to a local Reform Temple to inquire about an Introduction to Judaism class. They were told that indeed there was a class, but it cost $300. No scholarship was offered. As high schoolers they did not have this type of money. The ardor of their religious quest cooled and they never took the class. They are now both in college finding their own way in the world.

 
 

After hearing this story my curiosity drove me to explore the Beliefomatic site. I wondered what religions this site would recommend for me? So I answered the theological questionnaire. (You can find out your best fitting religion by clicking on: http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html. ) My results are copied below. According to my answers I am 100% compatible with Reform Judaism. According to the test I should seriously check out Bahai, Sikhism, the Quakers, the Unitarians, and Islam before checking out Orthodox Judaism. I am starting to make calls today.

 
 

So I have been outed as a Reform Jew (I am a Conservative Rabbi.). Checking out the site I discovered they do not even have Conservative Judaism as a category which may say volumes about the standing of this movement in the eyes of the broader world. So anyone on a serious religious quest on Beliefomatic would never be steered to my Movement or to my synagogue. It is lonely being a Conservative Jew.

 
 

I thought about those two girls inquiring about Judaism. They probably came to the front office and were officiously given the information about the class, told about the cost, and left alone in the office to contemplate their next move. Obviously religion is much more about specific beliefs. It is also about how you are related to, how you are welcomed or regarded. The failure of the synagogue here is a failure of hospitality. It is a failure to understand that at the margins, one must be ready to keep the door open.

 
 

We live in a world where identity is so fluid and so confused that many of us try to figure out with the help of sites like Beliefomatic. Fewer of us are brought up in a richly contextual home, both filled with tradition, links to community, second languages (Robert Bellah) but also an openness to the world. Beliefomatic starts to make sense when we appreciate how wide open the world is. People want to find their place in it. But while Beliefomatic might send you careening in one direction, it all depends on the reaction of the unsuspecting person or institution who will encounter this cyber seeker.

 
 

As for me, Beliefomatic cannot quite grasp my nuanced identity. I am left wondering where nuanced people should turn religiously. Maybe I should start the Nuanced Religious Movement for people seeking interesting and eccentric religious groups that don't fit any conventional categories. Stay tuned.

 
 

Dov Gartenberg

 
 

 
 

Your Results:

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

 
 

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

 
 

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our
message boards.

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

Inserted from <http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html?im_fact1=3&x=33&q4=8&im_fact10=2&q11=1&im_fact11=3&im_fact12=2&im_fact13=1&im_fact14=2&im_fact15=2&im_fact16=2&im_fact17=2&im_fact18=2&im_fact4=2&q5=2&q1=2&im_fact9=2&q17=1&im_fact7=2&q10=2&im_fact2=2&q3=3&q13=1&q2=1&y=8&q12_a8=8&q15=2&im_fact3=3&q6=2&q18=2&im_fact5=2&q7_a2=2&q8=1&q14=2&im_fact6=2&q16=2&im_fact8=2&q9=2&q19=2&im_fact19=2&q20=1&im_fact20=2&submit.x=25&submit.y=0&doit=1>

 
 


 

 
 


 

Rabbi Gartenberg's Beliefomatic Results

 
 

Your Results:

The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

 
 

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

 
 

How did the Belief-O-Matic do? Discuss your results on our
message boards.

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

Inserted from <http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html?im_fact1=3&x=33&q4=8&im_fact10=2&q11=1&im_fact11=3&im_fact12=2&im_fact13=1&im_fact14=2&im_fact15=2&im_fact16=2&im_fact17=2&im_fact18=2&im_fact4=2&q5=2&q1=2&im_fact9=2&q17=1&im_fact7=2&q10=2&im_fact2=2&q3=3&q13=1&q2=1&y=8&q12_a8=8&q15=2&im_fact3=3&q6=2&q18=2&im_fact5=2&q7_a2=2&q8=1&q14=2&im_fact6=2&q16=2&im_fact8=2&q9=2&q19=2&im_fact19=2&q20=1&im_fact20=2&submit.x=25&submit.y=0&doit=1>

Sunday, January 20, 2008

There is a long way which is short and a short way that is long.

There Is A Long Way Which Is Short And A Short Way That Is Long
Rabbi Dov Gartenberg Parshat Beshalah
Given, 08-01-19

The Sidrah begins with the word Vayehi. The first two letter read וי
That is Woe!.
Pharaoh said, Woe, because the Israelites, his best workers had left;
Moses said Woe because when God led the people by the circuitous route, he knew they would misuse their freedom.
Israel said Woe because they now had to look after themselves.
God said Woe, because God knew Israel's weakness. (R. Hacohen)

This is the Oy parsha because it starts off in such a strange way
Let's consider the famous verses.

‘Vayehi’-Now when Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although it was nearer; for God said, "The people may have a change of heart when they see war, and return to Egypt.: So God led the people round about, ‘Vyasev elohim’, by way of the wilderness at the Sea of Reeds. Es 13:17-18

Why did God not take Israel the shortest way to the land of Canaan and to escape a potential pursuit of the Egyptians? Why did God not consult Moses who would bear all the burdens of the people's wanderings? Why did God have so little faith in the people he liberated? What is the benefit in causing people to wander?

For generations students of the Torah have asked these questions. I share with you a few suggestions for your consideration.

This is an act of kindness and consideration on God's part. Ki karov hu " because God was near to them and loved them, and therefore, did not want to risk having some of them killed in a battle with the Philistines (Minhah blulah)

Rashi: God did not lead Israel through Philistine territory precisely because it was close, and it would have been too tempting to become discouraged and return to Egypt.

Nahmanides: Although the way to through the Phillistine territory was more direct, God was afraid that the people would be discouraged if they had to fight their way through.

All these commentators are aware of an older Midrash which gives specific reasons for God's fear of Israel's potential weakness.

"Israel had spent 180 years in Egypt, in peace and prosperity, not in the least molested by the people. Suddenly Ganon came, a descendant of Joseph of the tribe of Ephraim. He said, The Lord has appeared to me and He bade me to lead you forth out of Egypt. The Ephraimites were the only ones to heed his words. Proud of their royal lineage as direct descendants of Joseph and confident of their valor in war, for they were great heroes, they left the land and betook themselves to Palestine. They carried only weapons of gold and silver. They had no provisions, because they expected to buy food and drink on the way or capture them by force if the owners would not part with them for money.

After a days' march they found themselves in the neighborhood of Gat. There the local shepherds refused to provide provisions for the hungry and thirsty Ephraimites. Angry by the refusal, the Ephraimites attacked the shepherds of Gat, who then called on their fellow Philistines. They gathered a large army and annihilated the Ephraimites, leaving only 10 of them who escaped with their bare lives.

They returned to Egypt to bring all of Israel word of the disaster that had overtaken them. The disaster at Gat was followed by disgrace, for the bodies of the fallen lay unburied for many years on the battlefield. To add insult to injury, Pharaoh, alarmed over the possibility of all of Israel leaving initiated the first acts of oppression that led to Israel’s enslavement. Thereafter, the Egyptians exercised force to keep Israel in their land.

The Midrash concludes, Therefore, God chose the longer route to spare Israel of the sight of those dishonored corpses. Upon seeing the corpses the Israelites would become discouraged and would return to Egypt. (Legends of the Jews)

This Midrash (which has no historical basis) is fascinating because it suggests that God avoided the coastal route because of a previous traumatic incident. Think about this in your own lives. Have you ever steered a child or a spouse away from falling into a trap which you had fallen into yourself? How do the traumas of our past effect how we guide others today? How much do we hide those traumas to protect our children or grandchildren? Or should we allow our descendants to know about the trials of our past so they may learn as well.

In the case of this Midrash, God does not want them to see this indignity and guides them away from it. Going back to Egypt is not an option.

The final interpretation I will offer is my favorite.
The long route was necessary because the Israelites would need to develop qualities to be able to conquer and settle the Promised Land.
i. Ibn Ezra: God did not want them to arrive at the Promised Land too soon. Slaves could not conquer the land.
ii. Maimonides: God wanted to accustom them to hardship, to prepare them for the task of being a free persons and a free nation.
Maimonides writes, “ It is impossible to change a person instantaneously.” When a person or community undergoes a profound change in condition, it will take a long time for that person and that community to adjust to the new reality. Therefore God has Israel wander to help them adjust to the new reality of their freedom and their service to God.

Isn’t this true for us? We are not built for quick pivots or sudden turns. So much of the difficulties we have in modern life stem from this super fast pace of life in which our bodies and our minds have trouble keeping up. Modern life does not allow the wandering time for us to catch up. No wonder we feel so out of sorts so much of the time.

That is the wisdom of our passage today. God knows that we need time when faced with radical change. He let us wander so we can adjust and get used to the new reality. The Talmud captures this wisdom in a wonderful expression.

There is a long way which is short and a short way that is long. (BT Eruvim 53b)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Notes on Monday, 10/15/07

Hanging Out with Jewish Emergents

 

I am attending a gathering of the Jewish Emergent Initiative Gathering which brings a group of 25 Jewish innovators from across the country to share ideas and approaches.  I was invited to participate because of my work with Panim Hadashot-New Faces of Judaism in the Pacific Northwest.  Most of the group is 20-30 somethings, so I am an elder statesmen of sorts. Or at least I am an older rabbi who still has creative juices.  There are people here who are organizing social action coops, alternative congregations, rabbiless minyanim, and other cutting edge communities.  Some have called us Jewish professional entrepreneurs.  It’s an unusual consortium.  I am enjoying the exchange, especially to see the emerging impact of a new generation on Jewish life.  This particular conference centers on innovation in Jewish prayer.  We have had discussions about pluralistic prayer, using acting and drama to highlight prayer, and understanding prayer cultures in congregations. 

 

Jewish prayer in synagogues, in particular,  is undergoing  great changes and convulsion with chasms of expectations between older and younger generations.  Younger generations do not relate to overly passive models of Jewish prayer and expect to participate in their worship.  The use of music in Conservative and Reform congregations on Shabbat is becoming more and more common across the country, while more traditional Conservative communities are moving from cantorial-rabbinic led communities to lay led minyans run by minyan members.   How this impacts us is not yet clear, but I hope to address the issue in future teachings.

 

I had a Jewish first today. I had a completely organic meal of produce harvested from the retreat center farm by a Jewish farmer.  A shehechiynau is in order.

 

Rabbi Dov Gartenberg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Streimel: A Reflection on Teshuvah

The Streimel: A Reflection on Teshuvah-Repentance
Rabbi Dov Gartenberg
Yizkor, Temple Beth Shalom, Long Beach 5758

Twenty one years ago, at my former congregation in Venice, California, I delivered a Kol Nidre sermon about my brother, Philip. I had just visited him and his family in Jerusalem that summer to reestablish a strained connection. Over a number of years, my brother had become strongly attracted to the ultra-Orthodox community of Bratzlaver Hasidim. In the sermon I described an encounter with my brother which had deeply troubled me. At the time I was struggling to understand my brother’s emerging ultra-Orthodox practice and beliefs. But I did not ever have the opportunity to reflect on it further, because my zayde, Max Grouf, died of a heart attack on that Motzei Yom Kippur. A year later my brother died from complications due to a serious illness.

In September I observed the twentieth Yarhzeit of my brother, Philip. I thought about my two decade-old encounter with him. He was a passionately idealistic person who gave his all in everything he did. He was extremely bright, successful in his field of mathematics and computer science. He married an Israeli woman who came to the US to be with him as he finished his doctorate. My sister-in-law, like my brother, discovered traditional Judaism in adulthood and with him gradually embraced the ultra-Orthodox way of life. In the mid-80s my brother and his young family moved to Israel where he took a position as a professor of computer science at Tel Aviv University. The family chose to live in Jerusalem, however, because they wished to be close to the strong Orthodox communities that thrive in the Holy City.

When I saw my brother during the summer of 1986 it was so apparent that he had changed. I came to his house on a Friday afternoon to spend the Shabbat with his family. As I walked into their Jerusalem apartment I was greeted by the poster "Mitzvah Gedolah Lihiyot Sameach Tamid" - IT IS A GREAT PRECEPT TO BE JOYOUS ALWAYS. The house was a-bustle with Shabbat preparations. My sister-in-law was busily preparing the Sabbath meals and my brother involved himself with the household tasks, singing niggunim as he worked feverishly. As the time came to leave for Kabbalat Shabbat I saw my brother emerge from his room robed in a long brown Bratzlaver capote, his head covered by an impressive wide brown fur streimel.

I knew from letters that my brother had changed, but I was not prepared emotionally to see him in the clothing of his transformation. As I took in his altered appearance, we gathered up the children and began our walk to the Bratzlaver synagogue in the Jerusalem neighborhood of Old Katamon. I could not stop looking at my brother, a tall strapping man, as he walked joyfully in his capote and his streimel. He towered over the other Shabbat strollers making their way to the synagogues.

At the Bratzlaver Shtebel, there were about 100 people, mostly modern orthodox young men with twelve or so Bratzlavers in their capotes scattered throughout the room. My brother stood up front while I retreated to the rear. We began the Kabbalat Shabbat with blissful singing and swaying. By the time we reached Lcha Dodi, the whole room had become one body. The intensity of the prayer was astonishing; each stanza had a different melody, which was chanted with the utmost fervor. My brother was swaying wildly from end to end; his hands lifted upward, singing at the top of his lungs. He continued like this for almost the entire service, his eyes closed, his head bobbing and turning.
The service ended, and everyone streamed out wishing good Shabbas to one another. My brother’s wife and the children, who had been in the Ezrat Nashim, the women’s section, joined us for the walk back to the flat for Shabbat dinner. My brother, euphoric from his davening, took off his streimel with the intent of hoisting his five year old son up onto his shoulders. As he did so, he gently waved his streimel toward me and asked, "Dooby, can you put this on your head while I carry my son?"

I remember the moment vividly as he held out his streimel, and awaited my response. The years of our struggle to differentiate ourselves from each other passed before me while I figured what to do. The streimel was like a white hot object which I dared not touch without getting burned. After a long moment’s hesitation I told my brother, "No, Philip, I can't wear your streimel."

A year later my brother was gone. My sister-in-law has devotedly raised their four children. Although she moved away from the Bratzlaver community, she has brought up the children in the Jerusalem Lithuanian Haredi community. My nephews now married and with growing families, live in their own apartments and study in Yeshivot. Our relations with my brother’s family are loving, but greatly strained. As Haredi Jews they keep our way of life at arm’s length. Our contacts with each other can only be on their terms. As the children get older and start their families within the 4 cubits of the Haredi community there is less and less that we have in common except that we are family. While our children can enter their world, we know that they will never enter ours. My nephews and niece have grown up to view our world as foreign and forbidden. The abyss between the Ultra-Orthodox and the non-Orthodox in Israel is something that is very personal to me. Although I know my nephews would not throw rocks or hurl insults, they have been raised in a world that cannot fathom other ways to live religious Jewish lives.

I remember the offer and my refusal clearly that night. Twenty one years later I think of that moment and remember my brother. I was overcome then with anger over how much my brother had changed, how much he had grown distant from our family. But now with the benefit of time I realize that he was reaching out. For as I see it now, my brother, carried away by the joy of his prayer, simply wanted me to share that joy with him. He was no longer thinking about the difficulties in our relationship, and he was not trying to influence me. He was totally focused on the transporting joy of Shabbat prayer , and the sense of God’s presence. He was completely un-self-conscious in that moment. I imagine that the moment I refused him he did become self-conscious, aware of my discomfort and judgment. I really don’t know, because we never talked about this moment over the Shabbat we spent together or during that last year of his life.

As I reflect on that moment so many years later I find myself focusing on my brother’s passionate spirituality. Although he chose a very uncompromising spiritual path for himself, I realize that we both shared strong spiritual yearnings. Over the years, so many people have shared with me their spiritual yearnings and struggles. I see so many more people today that are spiritually hungry, seeking a path of meaning for their lives. I have seen people shocked by life’s sudden events and tragedies into an awareness of the spiritual void in their lives. I have seen people change directions as a result, moving through profound spiritual discoveries before my eyes. I have also seen people suffer great spiritual disappointments.

What is spirituality? Arthur Green writes that, “Spirituality is a view of religion that sees its primary task as cultivating and nourishing the human soul or spirit. Each person, according to this view, has an inner life that he or she may choose to develop; this ‘inwardness’ goes deeper than the usual object of psychological investigation and cannot fairly be explained in Freudian or other psychological terms. Ultimately, spirituality is ‘transpersonal,’ reaching deeply into the self but then extending through an inward reach beyond the individual and linking him to all other selves and to the single Spirit of the universe we call God.”

Like my brother I see the challenge of religious life as the cultivation and nourishing of our souls. I am not prepared to reduce his strivings to pure psychological need as I have been more willing to do in years past. I am no longer prepared to dismiss his experience as being too radical or extreme for me to respect. I am much more convinced now that his extending of his streimel was his sincere way of connecting to me in the moment of the uplift of his soul.

Green writes further that, “God is experientially accessible through the cultivation of this inner life, and awareness (da’at) of that access is a primary value of religion. External forms, important as they are, serve as instruments for development, disciplining, and fine tuning the awareness. Hasidic spirituality may present them as divinely ordained forms, but they are still recognized as a means (indeed, a gift of God to help us in our struggle), not as an end in themselves.”

My brother, who would not compromise his spiritual life and therefore chose the intense path of Bratzlav, had that evening sensed the presence of God. On that same evening I had experienced the burdensome presence of what Greene calls ‘the external forms.’ I was hung up on the streimel and could not see through it to the joy welling up within my brother.

I consider myself, like my brother, a spiritual seeker. In my youth I was not satisfied with the sterile, vapid presentation of Judaism I absorbed in my liberal synagogue. I seriously explored Buddhism during my college years. While in Israel in the mid 70s, I essentially lived in Orthodox environments and considered moving into that spiritual orbit. To this day I remain fascinated by different spiritual disciplines and approaches both within and outside Judaism. Like my brother I was not interested in the fashionable spiritualities that promised easy highs with little effort, or the solipsism that marks so much of what is call spirituality in American culture. We both recognized that real spirituality required discipline and regularity of practice, of training the mind to be aware and responsive to God.

We both found in Hasidism an authentic Jewish spirituality, but we parted ways on the degree to which we embraced that spiritual path. My brother became convinced that he needed to situate himself in the totality of a living Hasidic community. In this community he could live a life devoted to what Green beautifully summarizes as the essence of Hasidic spirituality: Avoides Hashem, the service of God, marked by an inward intensity (kavane) leading to attachment to God (devekus) and ultimately to the negation (bitel) of all else. The life of Torah and mitzvot, along with a zealous commitment to strict Orthodox interpretations of Halachah, constituted the Avoidas Hashem.

I knew and loved very deeply the world he chose to live in. By the time I was in my twenties the language of that world was no longer foreign to me. But the entry visa into that community includes embracing the belief that there is an exclusive relationship between God and the Jewish people. For as spiritually committed as I was to Torah and to its way of life I could not cross that threshold. I could not bring myself to deny the legitimacy of other faiths and paths in order to justify my own. I was not absolutely sure if my brother had begun to close off the rest of the world, but there were signs. I certainly was fearful that his journey was leading him in that direction. The truth is that I will never know because of his untimely death. However, my sister-in-law ultimately embraced the belief system of her Haredi community and my nephews and niece are safely ensconced within the high and well defended ramparts of its spiritual fortress.

As I reflect back to that moment in the summer of 1986 I regret that I didn’t take hold of his streimel and walked awkwardly a few hundred feet with it atop my head. I am sure I would have looked somewhat funny with my white shirt, beige slacks and sandals crowned by a black furry hat that was designed to compliment darker garb. No one in Jerusalem would have mistaken me for a real Bratzlaver, probably they would have thought me to be one of those crass tourists angling for a picture among the natives to take home to the Mishpache in America. But there really was a compelling reason to have received the streimel from his hand -- it would have been good to celebrate what we shared rather than to dwell on what separated us.

There are so many different paths in this world. We live at a time when we have so many choices about which paths we can take. Even in our own families, siblings and children and even parents take divergent paths and grow apart. But sometimes we are hasty to judge how far we have gone from each other and we enlarge the distance between us by our rejections. Sometimes Teshuvah involves a turning away. Sometimes Teshuvah involves a turning toward. Teshuvah is never formulaic, predictable, or automatic. Sometimes Teshuvah has to take place when the person you want to turn toward is no longer before you. Then you must direct your Teshuvah to those who remain before you and before God who stands before all of us.

Jpod Judaism

Jpod Judaism
Yom Kippur 5758
Rabbi Dov Gartenberg

Isn’t strange how Yom Kippur is a magnet? Jews everywhere converge on the synagogues. We converge on the synagogues during the High Holidays like sparrows returning to San Juan Capistrano. The Jewish crowds that come back to the synagogue for these holidays are not unlike the Jewish pilgrims of antiquity who ascended to Jerusalem three times a year to celebrate the pilgrimage festivals.

The pilgrimage is the religious experience of convergence. The religious experience of convergence draws its power from the center, a magnetic, holy place that attracts people to it. Convergence is the act of moving toward union. Convergence is the power of people coming from different directions toward one place.

Convergence is a very old and traditional dimension of religious experience, expressed in Judaism in the concentric circles of holiness.

The pilgrim was converging on the centers of holiness, getting closer to God as it were. Judaism differed from the pagan religions and their local shrines. Judaism of antiquity had a national center, a holy city, a holy temple, a holy priesthood, and a destination for pilgrimage. The Temple in Jerusalem was considered one of the wonders of the ancient world. The entire people would converge at special times of the year to share a common experience of Jewish people hood and the common worship of the God of Israel. On Pesah, Shavuot, and Sukkot, as well as the Yamim Noraim, Jerusalem was filled with pilgrims, hundreds of thousands of people.

Passover was the most popular of all these pilgrimages. Imagine you are living 1,942 years ago. It is the year 65CE and you are a young person making your way to Jerusalem with your family for the festival of Pesah. You are going up to the city with hundreds of thousands of pilgrims-Olim- to offer the Paschal sacrifice on the Temple Mount. Each family clan brings its lamb to be slaughtered, roasted, and eaten. The Temple mount is filled with the chorus of Levites chanting the psalms of the Hallel, patriarchs are retelling the story of the Exodus, repeating the Biblical verses. The smoke, the cacophony of sounds, the mass of humanity is stupendous and unforgettable. The joy and power of this moment is engraved in your memory and you will never forget it.

Little do you know that this is one of the last times that you or any of your family and friends will converge on Jerusalem to celebrate with the throngs. In five years, the Temple will be in ruins, your people will be defeated, and the future of your religion and nation will be in doubt.
The crushing of Jerusalem by the Roman armies destroyed not only the Temple but the powerful religious experience of convergence. This was a critical moment in Jewish history. This is when Judaism should have stopped breathing. It seemed that God had punished us by destroying the point of convergence where God and Israel came together.

How did we survive this historically crushing catastrophe? What transformation took place within the Jewish people that enabled us to overcome the loss of something so critical to our national identity?

Let’s jump ahead a few years to 75CE and imagine you are this young person who has now become an adult. Pesah is coming. In your mind you see the ruins of Jerusalem. The massive celebrations are becoming a distant memory. And the ritual of Pesah has become a void.

This year you have received an invitation from a Rabbi in Yavneh, the small town where the rabbis fled just before the destruction of Jerusalem. They established an academy there to keep the Torah alive. This hospitable rabbi has invited you to a special meal in his home in honor of Pesah.

You go full of trepidation and with a heavy heart, but you are surprised that this intimate gathering brings joy to you. The telling of the story of the Exodus is done like in the olden days, but the telling has some new elements you had never heard up on the Temple mount. There were lots of questions and surprises which kept the children’s attention. You eat Matzah and Maror like the old days. The Pesah-Paschal Lamb- is now only represented by a symbol. Along with your host and the other guests, you sing, you study, and you acknowledge the destruction of Jerusalem. With the others you express hope of returning to a Jerusalem and the Temple rebuilt. During the last five years there has been nothing but darkness. This celebration, while it was nothing compared to the pilgrimage, was every bit as powerful and memorable. You asked your host if you could bring it to your family the coming year.

We recognize the meal as a Seder. This simplified story highlights a theory advanced by scholars of Jewish antiquity. The Passover Seder as we know it emerged after the destruction of the Temple. It is a rite that replaced the Temple celebration. It takes elements from the original pilgrimage festival, but scales down the celebration to the setting of a home. The emerging Seder was ritually crafted by the rabbis to restore the joy of the celebration of the Passover. But the rabbis made the celebration more intimate, more accessible, more participatory, and ultimately portable for Jews wherever they wandered.

The home Seder replaced the lost practice of convergence. We could not be pilgrims, so instead there is a new emphasis on hospitality and a new religious experience centered on the table gathering. Instead of converging on Jerusalem, each household was to reach out and bring in. Each household became a source of Jewish storytelling. Each table became a source of Jewish energy. Instead of all the people gathered in one place, the people scattered into smaller groups, becoming Jewish storytelling pods where the great drama of God and the Jewish people was reenacted in living rooms wherever Jews lived. A pod is a small vessel. It is also a seed like, peapod. The Jews reacted to the destruction of their central gathering place by making every home a pod, a small vessel and seed of Jewish life. This was the Jpod generation. Except it was a 1900 year ago.

This is what the Jpod generation accomplished. In place of a single central dramatic reenactment in Jerusalem, the Jews discovered the power of the micro feast-a religious experience of unique power which could be transmitted family by family, from host to guest, from generation to generation.

Jews by necessity abandoned the Judaism of convergence for the Judaism of intimacy. We gave up the religion of mass gatherings to become a religion of dining rooms. We had to leave the central altar in favor of the family table, give up our identity as pilgrims going to high places to become sanctifiers of domestic spaces. Jews learned to cultivate religious experience around a group meal; we transferred the songs from the altar and brought them to the home table. We learned to tell our story through ritual playfulness. We realized that we could foster profound spirituality through homemade gastronomy.

The transition from Temple based Judaism to home centered Judaism forever altered the spiritual identity of the Jewish people. It is one of the greatest adaptations in the history of religion and culture.

Judaism actually never lost the spirituality of convergence. The synagogue served that purpose and we feel its power at this very moment as we converge to mark the great fast day. Yet the true uniqueness of Judaism that emerged after we lost our Temple was our capacity to locate the most powerful and memorable religious experiences in our homes and around our tables. We transmitted our religion by opening our homes and sharing these powerful experiences with extended family, friends, guests, and strangers.

Post Temple Judaism created a culture of the table: The rituals of the home Sabbath table emerged after the destruction. Festivals, once centered in Jerusalem, morphed into synagogue and home celebrations. Hospitality traditions developed around the Seders of Rosh Hashannah, the feast prior to Yom Kippur, the meals in the Sukkah and the parody feast of Purim, and the mother of all Seders, Pesah.

The Jewish culture of the table emerged as a response to crisis. Jews had to change or become extinct. We also live at a time of crisis. Sixty years ago we saw the mass destruction of ½ of our people. Over the last 100 years and especially after the Holocaust, millions of our people converged on the ancient land of the Jews to restore a Jewish commonwealth. This convergence was not a religious pilgrimage, but a powerful secular and national movement to bring power and security to the Jewish people.

We are living in the age of the third Jewish commonwealth. We live during the reemergence of Jewish convergence. But during this time of ingathering, we are also witnessing in the Diaspora an unraveling of our people . Nationally only 40% of Jews affiliate with synagogues or Jewish organizations. Of that 40%, 80% are minimally engaged by the synagogues and organizations they affiliate with or with other forms of Jewish life. Only a small number of Jews are engaged in Jewish life.

Where this is most evident is the decline of the Judaism of the table. There are many reasons for this. The loss of Jewish home practice is part of the broad decline of communal Jewish identity among millions of Diaspora Jews. Part of the reason Jewish home practice has declined is that Jewish institutions, synagogues and jccs since the 40s have emphasized building Temples and centers at the expense of Judaism of the home.
In a change with major demographic implications, Jews in America became widely dispersed. Most of us no longer live near our synagogue or in a Jewish neighborhood. American culture with its stress on individualism and the sovereign self has weakened the traditions of hospitality and the sharing of our Sabbath and festival table.

So many of don’t know or feel comfortable singing around the table. We have lost the art of Jewish table conversation. We don’t know how to share Torah with our friends and our guests. We would feel awkward having a stranger at our table for Shabbat. We are embarrassed at being too Jewish with our non Jewish friends. We are becoming strangers to the Jewish spirituality of home and hospitality.

Three years ago I left the pulpit to conduct an experiment. I wanted to see what would happen if I took a break from being a teacher from the Bimah and began to be a teacher at the table. The idea was simple. I would work with people to make their Shabbat and festival tables come alive with Jewish food, song, conversation, and fellowship. I would infuse new energy into homes which already marked Shabbat and work with less experienced households to ease them into home Shabbat meals and hospitality. I wanted to help Jews recover the capacity to make our homes a Jpod and to learn anew the mitzvah of hospitality.

For three years I convened over one hundred Shabbat feasts in homes. I worked with hosts and asked them to invite their circles of friends and guests who they thought would be moved by an authentic Jewish home experience. Many of those hosts continue to offer powerful experiences in their homes, and many of the guests who attended started to bring Shabbat and festival celebrations into their homes. I wanted to revive the Judaism of the Jpod.

I learned something very important in my initiative during the last three years. There was something special about a rabbi being a guest at a home Shabbat gathering. It subtly communicated that every Jew can bring holiness to his or her home. The host feels that the Rabbi honors our way of doing Shabbat and shares together with us the holiness of this table gathering. I knew that the admiration and support of Chabad in every community arose from the willingness of the Chabad rabbis to open up their homes and share their Shabbat tables. I wanted to take it further. I wanted to show that every Jew can do Shabbat in her home, that every Jew can make their home into a Jpod. I wanted to support my congregants committed to doing this by being there and accepting an invitation to attend and teach.

To me empowering a Jewish family to recover these Shabbat and festival table traditions and to share them with others is a far more powerful rabbinic tool than a 100 sermons. It meant compromising my long held practice of not driving on Shabbat. But if there is any chance of reviving the home as the center of Jewish life, I needed to get into homes to model what that looked like.

Every authentic and vital Jewish community I have ever seen has a strong Shabbat table culture. Dozens and dozens of households, Jpods, create beautiful Shabbat happenings and share their Shabbat with family, friends, and new faces. I would like to foster and expand our Shabbat table culture and restore the centrality of the holiness of the Jewish home in our congregation.

Our theme for the year is Jewish hospitality-Hachnasat Orchim. The core of this effort is to encourage people to celebrate Shabbat and festival meals at homes and to share these experiences with others in our congregational family and with new faces.

The Talmud speaks of the importance of reaching out to new faces. The word in Hebrew is Panim Hadashot meaning either new face or the plural, new faces. The Talmud’s teaching about Panim Hadashot reveals a core spiritual attribute of Judaism.

In Jewish tradition, a newly married couple celebrates seven days of feasts and parties after the Huppah ceremony. The name of the party is Seven Blessings-Sheva Berachot. These parties are seen as a great mitzvah and friends and the community rallied to hold them in different homes for the newlyweds. The Talmud sets two conditions for people to host a Sheva Berachot in their home. First you need a minyan, 10 Jews, to be able to chant in public the seven blessings.

Second you need to invite Panim Hadashot-a new face- to join you at the table, someone who was not at the Huppah. The requirement of a new face gets at the heart of the Judaism of Jpod. A Jewish home should ideally be a place of rich and joyful Judaism. Hospitality, the sharing of joy, follows from cultivating a warm Jewish home and table. Sometimes it works in reverse. The act of hospitality, sharing with others, brings out our best. Our Jewish celebrations become vital in the presence of guests and in sharing a mitzvah.
Judaism teaches that the best joy is the one that issues from our homes and tables, in the relationships we forge in this intimate setting and the hospitality we extend to guests and strangers.

After we lost our Temple we could not share with our fellow Jews the pageantry of pilgrimage. We only had our homes, our tables, our simchas, and our friendliness. Jews discovered that sharing joy with others during our most happy and holy times would sustain us. Sharing our joy would sustain our families, our communities and ultimately our people. Jewish hospitality centered on the Sabbath and festival table-JPod Judaism-is the time tested way Jews spread the joyful character of our unique religious tradition. It is our ethical foundation as well, for we are commanded in the Torah to treat the stranger with compassion, for we were strangers in Egypt.

As we gather together at this most solemn time, let us also not forget in this moment of convergence, in this moment of awe and self reflection, that we cannot sustain Judaism without a shared joyfulness, without opening our homes and our family table. Let us restore the joy of the Jewish home and share it with both those we love and with Panim Hadashot-new faces. Make your home a Jpod.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Making Teshuvah with Our Fellow Congregants

Making Teshuvah with Our Fellow Congregants
Shabbat Shuvah 5768, September 15, 2007
Rabbi Dov Gartenberg of Temple Beth Shalom, Long Beach
rabbi@tbslb.org 562 426-6413

In rabbinical school I had the opportunity to study with an aged rabbi, David Aronson, a leading figure of the Conservative movement from Minneapolis who had retired in Los Angeles and taught at the University of Judaism. He was a fount of wisdom and experience. One of the stories I remember from him was a visit he made to a congregant during this season. The congregant was a wealthy member of the synagogue, but during a recent financial crisis the member had done nothing to help even though it was well within his means to do so. Rabbi Aronson had appealed to the members of the congregation for aid and support, but his words had not broken through to this member.

When Rabbi Aronson visited the man, he explained that he was coming to make Teshuvah since it was during the 10 days of repentance. The rabbi began by saying, “I have failed you, Mendel. I feel that as a rabbi my role is to inspire people to give tzedaka, and to give it generously especially in time of need. But I failed you as your rabbi, and I did not move you to fulfill the mitzvah of tzedaka. The man was quite disarmed with the words of Rabbi Aronson. Right there and then he gave a substantial gift to help the synagogue.

I mention this story because it demonstrates not only the rabbi’s effort to make Teshuvah, but the thoughtful way he did it in a difficult case. The other reason I mention this story is that it reminds us that one of the more important arenas of repairing relationships and making Teshuvah is within our congregation, with the people whom we share common community.

This Shabbat is Shabbat Shuvah-the Sabbath of Repentance, taking place in the middle of the Asseret Ymei Teshuvah-the 10 days of Repentance that begin with Rosh Hashannah and end with Yom Kippur. This is a particularly auspicious time to repair our most important relationships, with our family members, our work associates, our friends, and eventually our relationship with God.

But I want to focus on an obvious area where Teshuvah is very important and can have long and lasting impacts. How does one make Teshuvah with fellow congregants? How does one repair a relationship with a rabbi or a cantor?

One of the central metaphors of Judaism is the story of a leader guiding a troubled and anxious congregation through the wilderness. All congregations are imitations of the original story of Moses leading Bnai Yisrael through the Midbar (wilderness). So it is inevitable that conflict and ethical lapses will take place in a congregation. The challenge of this season is to face our relationships with people in our community and to seek healing, reconciliation, or an end to conflict.

One of the key aspects of the Mitzvah of Teshuvah is that each of us has to take responsibility for our role in a conflict or a troubled relationship. We often fail to do this because of what John Gottman, a world famous expert on marriage and relationships, teaches about human nature. We are guilty of ‘human attribution error,’ blaming the other for the problem. I’m Ok, you are defective.

The critical act of Teshuvah, as we see in the case of Rabbi Aronson, is identifying our part of the problem, taking responsibility for it, approaching the aggrieved party, renouncing one’s acts, and asking for forgiveness.

The key then is to overcome our tendency to only hold the other party accountable in a conflict or dispute. To help us identify what we may contribute toward a conflict in a community, I have assembled seven ‘averot’- sins we do that hurt others in our community. By identifying them we may be able to find the locus of our role in a conflict, own them, and be able to articulate to another we have done as the first step of repairing a relationship.

1. Blame: We find it easy to blame others in the congregation by projecting all the problems onto their behavior. In blaming others in a congregational dispute, we often misconstrue the motivations or intentions of the other. But in blaming others we fail to look seriously about how we contribute to the conflict.

2. Attack: Character assassination is the usual mode in synagogue disputes. In order to justify our position we may attack a person’s personality instead of the principle which a person holds to in expressing a different view.

3. Lashon Hara-Gossip: Attacking a person is usually done indirectly and amongst one’s friends. This is the transgression of Lashon Hara which receives a lot of attention from the sages as one of the most invidious problems of communal life. If we don’t like someone we may go to a friend or even the rabbi and rant about this person’s traits or behaviors. Such behavior is clearly unethical in Jewish law, because it spreads an impression of another that is usually distorted and hardens attitudes of both the listener and the speaker toward the person who is gossiped about.

4. Generalizing: This is when we transform a minor slight into a broader conviction of about the flaw of another. The classic case is when a congregant sees the rabbi in the store and the rabbi does not say hello. The congregant then assumes the rabbi does not like her. It might have been the case that the rabbi was preoccupied or did not recognize her, but we often we judge more harshly than necessary.

5. Keeping it Secret: “Nothing so paralyzes a social organism as secrets - especially those that are widely known yet never spoken.” (Kushner) A congregant does something hurtful to me. But I hold it within myself for months, even years. The resentment builds and becomes poisonous to the relationship and the wider community. Secret and not so secret grudges corrode communities and turn them into cauldrons of ill feeling. The Torah considers bearing a grudge to be a negative mitzvah. The prohibition on bearing a grudge comes just before “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Leviticus 19)

6. Anonymous Complaints: This often is directed at volunteers who take leadership roles or toward clergy. We get frustrated with the style or decisions of a person in authority. Instead of speaking directly to the person we may deliver criticism anonymously through a third party. The person in authority then never gets a clear idea of who is aggrieved or frustrated and does not have recourse to working out the issue directly with the complaining party.

7. Dropping Out: When people get frustrated they may choose to drop out. While in certain cases people realize that the congregation is not a good match for their needs, premature dropping out short circuits the process of repair that is possible in many circumstances.

Reflect on these common communal sins. This is the stuff of Teshuvah. If we have hurt or worsened a relationship with a fellow congregant by doing one of these behaviors, then we have an opportunity to do the mitzvah of Teshuvah. Even though the other congregant may have hurt us, we still have the obligation to do Teshuvah, to attempt to repair the relationship.

The aim here is not to become best friends with someone who was our adversary. Rather Teshuvah in a congregation is an effort to restore civility and decency to our relationship with a fellow congregant. We do this for the sake of community, for the sake of a higher purpose, and in reflection of God’s will.

The relationship between a rabbi and a congregant or between a cantor and a congregant also has all the features of congregant to congregant relationships, but has other issues too. People are very hesitant to speak openly to clergy. It is often the case that clergy are hesitant to speak with a member. But the true test of a healthy relationship in a congregation is the ability of congregants to speak privately with a rabbi or cantor about a complaint or a hurt. If I have one message to leave you today, it is that whether you are hurt by something I have done or whether you take responsibility for an act toward me as your rabbi, I hope that you will come speak to me in private. It does not have to only be during this season; you may approach me any time of year.

The spiritual quality and moral excellence of a community is based on the capacity for its members to make Teshuvah with each other. The congregation is more than a business; it is an assembly of people gathered for a common purpose, a holy enterprise. Teshuvah is the glue that holds a community together, and allows a community to heal from fractures or disputes. I certainly hope that by addressing the issue of Teshuvah in the synagogue early in my rabbinate with you, that all of you will take this to heart and know that Teshuvah is possible and a necessary part of the unfolding story of a community as we make our way through the wilderness.

Many of the things I have spoken of today are very hard to do. They also may fail because of hardened hearts and stubbornness or our own denial and evasions. Yet this is the most important Mitzvah of the season. I am also well aware that situations are complex and that more questions may be raised by my teaching when thinking of concrete situations. Please feel free to write to or approach me to discuss a specific situation. I hope you will share this also with your friends in the congregation to encourage the fulfillment of the mitzvah of Teshuvah among all our members.

Rabbi Larry Kushner writes in a short and brilliant essay about the nature of life in a congregation:
“The members of the congregation must nurture one another because they need one another. They simply cannot do it alone. Hermits and monasteries are noticeably absent from Jewish history; we are a hopelessly communal people. When the wilderness tabernacle is completed, near the end of the Book of Exodus, we are told, "And it came to pass that the tabernacle was 'one'" (Exodus 36:13).

Commenting on this curious expression, Rabbi Mordecai Yosef of Izbica (d. 1854) observes: In the building of the tabernacle, all Israel were joined in their hearts; no one felt superior to his fellow. At first, each skilled individual did his own part of the construction, and it seemed to each one that his work was extraordinary. Afterwards, once they saw how their several contributions to the "service" of the tabernacle were integrated - all the boards, the sockets, the curtains and the loops fit together as if one person had done it all, then they realized how each one of them had depended on the other. Then they understood how what all they had accomplished was not by virtue of their own skill alone but that the Holy One had guided the hands of everyone who had worked on the tabernacle. They had only later merely joined in completing its master building plan - so that "it came to pass that the tabernacle was one". (Exodus 36.13). Moreover, the one who made the Holy Ark itself was unable to feel superior to the one who had only made the courtyard tent pegs.

May we be worthy of this vision of community. Shabbat Shalom and Shannah Tovah.